Monday, October 03, 2005

The Best In-Game Scripting Language: PERL

Everyone uses Python, Ruby or something based on C++ for in game scripting. I think these are all the wrong choices. These are structured, understandable languages. This is completely undesirable! The real correct choice is PERL. Think about it. You can write gameplay code that looks like dolphins, compress everything in as little space as possible, and make your code completely unmaintainable. You can obfuscate it by using implicit variables, confusing regular expressions, and inconsistent syntax! All of these are desirable features in a scripting language, but the real reason for using PERL for a game scripting language is because it guarantees job security because no one will be able to understand your code!


Anonymous Jubal_Harshaw said...

I applaud this idea wholeheartedly.
Jobs Security Through Obfuscation has been the guiding mantra of all successful programmers - why should we deny game programmers and the next generation of 'modders' this valuable right?

Some may say that it will stifle creativity, that a PERL-based system may require too much effort on the part of the scripter. That modders may be put-off by unweildy and unreadable code. This may be so, but it is for the good of all.

By making the development and 3rd-party aspects a brutal, uphill struggle we make sure that only those who have absolute faith in their vision and the sheer grit, determination and time it will take to complete. Obviously, this will lead to a marked increase in quality and eliminate a lot of the wasted time spent by the hordes of talentless individuals who should really just give up on their dreams of gaming industry stardom and go back to working in MacDonalds.

5:56 PM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

jubal_harshaw: Once again, you are the only one who reads this who understands the industry well enough to know that I'm right! I applaud your intellect!

7:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Obviously, you're just one of those python supporters that doesn't realize the true beauty of PERL. It's not about OBFUSCATION, it's about CREATIVITY. How can you be creative in a language that forces you to put spaces in it????? PERL allows you to remove spaces where you don't need them ... allowing you to write clean, neat code, and format it to look like clever pictures.

9:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think pig latin would be a good programming language. Except make it like a real programming language. You could rename the language as well. Like ava-jay or ascal-pay. i really want ortranfay. be sure to do this with all commands and variables called. Furthermore, I think future gaming consoles should be more reflective. A nice mirrored finish would make them look more futury! And it also shoild be metallic Purple. As far as making video games more realistic, give people a controller, tape it to them and have them go work at a factory. When they walk in say that is part of the control. Have the door to the factory say a nice exponent of 2 like "welcome to Factory 512!" and then they could simulate factory work by doing factory work. But they coild enjoy it's lifelike attributes by being told it is a game. You could also pay them less.

10:00 PM  
Anonymous Jubal_Harshaw said...

anonymous #1 is correct, and this has the added advantage of allowing the creative aspects free reign in the code-formatting arena, rather than letting this unbridled creativity get in the way of another blockbuster game based tenuously on a movie license based tenuously on a game.

And now I must return to designing my cyber-toilet.

6:29 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why not PHP? ;)

1:21 AM  
Anonymous Jubal_Harshaw said...

anonymous #3 said:
Why not PHP?

Because it's too well documented, silly.

6:08 AM  

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