Thursday, March 16, 2006

The Big G's Getting Down: Shake Well Before Opening

If Mark Ecko gets to make a game about defacing public property with paint and claim it's art, then I think the Big G needs to take it to the next level. The creation of art with paints was so last millennium. Van Gogh? Picasso? Da Vinci? They we all last millennium. The kids of today want to ruin things with modern art, not the old fashioned paint-based art of their parents. Manzoni? Offili? Friedman? These renegade modern artists appreciate the medium that today's youngsters understand: feces. Mark Ecko combined art and vandalism, but using paint was his mistake. These days, the youth want to make MODERN art with feces AND vandalize! So, without further ado, I present to you: The Big G's Getting Down: Shake Well Before Opening. It has an equally ridiculous name, but a much better artistic medium: human feces. In order to stop the oppressive government and to shock the populace out of their every day lives, you have the power of your bowel movements to communicate all the truths that the corrupt politicians want to hide! Not only does the game allow you to put your poop to good use, it also is educational! Over 30 hours of dialog by these seminal artists in the field of fecal based art was recorded, so you can learn how to make lots of money off of your crap while you play! (Some of Manzoni's poop went for around $40,000)
The game also features a special mode where you can take pictures of your own real life defecations and upload them into the game to use as in game art. If that wasn't enough features to make you crap your pants, the game also has a complex neural network that compares your poop to the fecal based masterpieces of other modern artists. From that, it calculates an estimated worth of your bodily waste in an art auction. Who knows! You may find out that you've been shitting gold for quite some time!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Keep going, I'm still reading this.

9:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's actually kind of weird for a 20-year-old to write such a 'what's wrong with the kids of today?' column. Do you really think graffiti and hiphop are the same as faeces?

4:35 PM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

Firstly, you are assuming my age, and you know what they say. Assumptions make an "ass" out of "u" and "mption". Secondly, I don't mention hip hop at all in this article. (If you are asking my opinion on hip hop music, I would say that most of it sounds similar to noises made during defecation, so that's a proper parallel) I'm merely pointing out that paint is old fashioned and modern artist use feces to create works of art, so I'm taking the defacing public property with "art" genre to the next level. I'm putting a MODERN spin on grafitti!

I hope my explanation clarifies the article for you.

-The BIG G

4:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Seems to me like when you type its smearing feces all over the internet. Your defecation reeks man. No matter how old you are, and when your going to try to burn someone you could at least use these common catch phrases correctly.

8:12 AM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

The "ass" out of "u" and "mption" is a common catch phrase as coined by Samuel L. Jackson in the film "The Long Kiss Goodnight". I know that movie probably came out before you were born, but here's a reference. Although my defecation does reek, I'm pretty sure every human being's feces (and for that matter, any animal) smells like shit. So, I can hardly take offense to that.

-The BIG G

12:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home