Professional Gaming is a “REAL” Sport
I don't know if you read Foxsports.com (I certainly don't), but they have this article on the most “feared” people in sports. I noticed Fox Sports has adapted a very interesting definition of sports. It's good that they chose an athlete from my favorite sport (competitive eating), but pro gaming? Fox Sports is the authority on sports, so if they consider a sport, it must be. Let's look up the definition of sport, shall we? According to dictionary.com, the definition is "An activity involving physical exertion and skill that is governed by a set of rules or customs and often undertaken competitively."
Man, moving a mouse sure requires a lot of physical exertion! So, if video games, qualify as sports, I'm hoping they'll make minesweeper an Olympic event. I'm awesome at it! And if we are qualifying video games as sports, why aren't other games? Chess should be a sport then too. It requires just about as much physical exertion as Quake and is just as competitive.
Since video games are now sports, we can have the shameless “athlete” promotion. Just as athletes can promote a product that they know nothing about, so too can professional gamers. Take Jonathan “Fatal-one-ty” Wendel for example. Does he know anything about motherboards? I doubt it. Does buying his motherboards make you a better gamer? Definitely. Just like buying Air Jordan sneakers makes you a better basketball player. The most crucial product that he sells that improves your gaming product is the Sound Blaster X-Fi Fatal1ty FPS. About this product, he says: "When I'm competing I need top-class performance and the most realistic sound to help me know where my opponent is and Sound Blaster X-Fi really delivers for me...there is nothing faster or better. I only put my name on the very best products. If you're a serious gamer, you just have to get one of these!"
If you're a serious gamer that is made out of money or has some sort of money tree, then The BIG G agrees that this is a good purchase... But, $279.99 for a sound card?!?!?! Let's look at the feature set and how it applies to gamers. Firstly, it comes with a remote. That costs extra money, but is very useful for gaming. I play all my games with an IR remote. Secondly, it has 109 db SNR (Signal to Noise Ratio). Now, that means that the noise is 1.26 * 10^-11 times the original signal. If you are a loser with a completely obsolete SoundBlaster Audigy 4, which features 106 db SNR (features a little less than twice as much noise [2.51 * 10^-11]), you need to go upgrade right away. Let's assume that Jonathan “Fatal-one-ty” Wendel is playing the game on 100 Watts. I'm thoroughly convinced that he's such an amazing gamer that he can not only HEAR the noise at 2.5 picowatts, but it also makes him a worse gamer! This is why his endorsement is so valuable. Let's take a look at his statement that there is nothing better. Creative makes the X-Fi Elite pro, which has more features like 116 db SNR and some that only appeal to audio professionals. Despite it has a lot less noise, CLEARLY, IT IS WORSE because Jonathan “Fatal1ty” Wendel says so!
When I become the world's greatest Minesweeper pro athlete, I'll only endorse sound cards with 32 bit audio at 384 kHz and a 200 db SNR because that's what I need to get my best Minesweeper performance. Selling out rules! Incidentally, feel free to contact me for product endorsements. I have as much integrity as “Fatal-one-ty”, so I'll convince people to buy the top of your line regardless of how practical it is.