Top 10 Reasons You Should Run Out to the Store Right Now and Purchase a Gizmondo
You may not have heard of the Gizmondo. You may not even know of any stores that carry it. There certainly aren't very many. But after researching what little information I could find on the greatest handheld ever, I have discovered 10 reasons why you are morally obligated to purchase one immediately, if not several!
10. It has a cool name – Gizmondo! See how that rolls right off of your tongue? It is too cool to have a three letter acronym to abbreviate its greatness. Gizmondo! Say it loud and say it proud! Gizmondo boldly proclaims the future of handheld gaming!
9. Huge selection of awesome games – Well, maybe not quite a HUGE selection... Actually, there are only 14 games available... But, they have a mean Checkers game, which is featured in “Classics Compendium”... Isn't it quality over quantity anyway?
8. Pocket Ping Pong 2005 – According to the Gizmondo site: “If you liked Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball, you'll love Pocket Ping Pong 2005. It's table tennis set to a sandy, sexy backdrop. You'll love the competitors' minimalist beachwear, the sunny atmosphere and the fast-as-lightning action, complete with totally accurate ball physics.” Ball physics? I think the only thing people who played Dead or Alive Xtreme Volleyball were interested in was boob physics. I figured I'd write this article before going out and purchasing it myself, so I haven't seen the boob physics, but maybe they put their effort into that instead of gameplay because it got horrible reviews according to here.
7. Momma Can I Mow the Lawn? - A game with a name that stupid, has to be good, right? From the Gizmondo site: “In his leafy hometown, grass is abundant, and many people are grateful for Kurt's offer to mow their lawns, often rewarding him with extra cash if he does a good job. The real fun begins when he forgets to ask permission or enters prohibited areas such as parks and sports grounds.” Now, I'd much rather mow the lawn in a video game for video game money than mow the lawn in real life for real money! Gizmondo has really hit upon a winner here!
6. GPS – Sure, the only current use is Navigator 2006, which costs $250. You can get a stand alone GPS unit for less than that, so I have no idea where all the money is going if it already has GPS built in, but the best part is the car stand for the Gizmondo costs $60!! What a steal for a piece of plastic! Games can use it too! The game “Colors” is going to use it so you can battle gangs based on real world turf... That's a feature that all avid gamers have been yearning for!
5. Commodore 64 Remakes – The best games on the system are the Commodore 64 remakes “Trailblazer” and “Point of Destruction”. When I spend a ton of money on a handheld with fancy 3D hardware, I want 2D things that I can play on my Commodore 64.
4. It's out of stock on their website – That clearly means it's a hot commodity! They definitely aren't out of stock to conceal the fact that they don't have any since there is no demand.
3. Trustworthy business – After reading about the dismal financial outlook of the company, and the very honest directors, how can you not want to invest in their product? Hey, they may always be in legal trouble, but at least they own a modeling agency. That's what's really important in a hardware vendor, right?
2. Free advertising! - If you want the reasonably priced Gizmondo, you have to sign up for an ad service. Your Gizmondo gets three ads delivered it to it per day that it's turned on. Whoo hoo! I don't get enough ads on TV, radio, billboards, movie trailers, magazines, the internet, in the front and back of books, planes pulling sky banners, blimps, on taxis (including on the hubcaps), and I even saw a new advertising medium last weekend where they have people drive around on mopeds that pull billboards.
1. It's soon be obsolete – You have to be quick to get your regular Gizmondo because the much improved Gizmondo Widescreen will be out soon thus rendering the current Gizmondo obsolete! It's been on the market for less than three months in the US, and they are already replacing it! That's clever business!