Thursday, May 25, 2006

Britney's Baby Abusing for Nintendo Wii

Now, I may have been critical in the past of the Wii, but I've seen the light! I've realized what exciting gameplay opportunities the Wii opens up for gamers. Screw "Britney's Dance Beat"! "Britney's Baby Abusing" is the Britney licensed game for the next generation. The Wii's unique controller will allow you to recreate all the bad parenting that Britney is known for! "ExciteTruck" is for losers because it doesn't have a license or gameplay innovations. With "Britney's Baby Abusing" you can drive Britney's car with the baby on your lap. Don't steer too quickly or the baby will fall off! All of the baby's falls will be realistically modeled with the rag doll physics you'd expect in a next gen game (or current gen plus game, since the Wii has weak hardware).
There's plenty of fun minigames that take advantage of the unique wii-mote controller design. You can try and balance the baby on one hand because you need to take care of your precious drink with the other. This uses the the motion sensing functions of the wii-mote. You can go high chair shopping and buy the most unstable and cheap ones because money is tight. Using the mouse like functions of the wii-mote, you have to put makeup on your baby to cover up the bruises when Department of Children and Family Services makes one of their frequent visits.
This is the must purchase game for the Wii! This is the game that will give people a real reason to buy a Wii. Babies are far too precious for most people to abuse in real life, so you can live vicariously through Britney and her bad parenting!

Friday, May 19, 2006

Playstation 3 Controller + Mouse – Buttons = Wii-mote

At E3 I got to play with my Wii, so for those of you who weren't as fortunate as I, I'll give you the lowdown. The Wii-mote's functionality can be summed up with the following equation: Playstation 3 Controller + Mouse – Buttons = Wii-mote. The tilt/motion sensing was pretty much identical to the Playstation 3. Nothing fancy there. The positional sensing features (that the Playstation 3 lacks) was like a really hard to use mouse. There was a cursor on screen, and very slight movements would move it around. It almost felt like games that map the small response area of an analog stick to the entire screen for a cursor (except it didn't center, and you could go off the edges). There are a lot less buttons on the Wii-mote than there are on the PS3 controller, so a game like Warhawk would have been difficult, plus if they had a game like that, you may have to hold the Wii-mote sideways (like you had to for several Wii games like ExciteTruck), which is a lot less comfortable than the PS3 controller or holding the Wii-mote the proper way. So, Wii (the royal Wii) are not impressed with the Wii. I enjoyed Warhawk with the PS3 controller more than any of the Wii games. Everyone can point fingers and say who ripped off who, but honestly what does it matter? It's all about the execution, and so far, I think the motion sensing was executed better with PS3.