Sunday, July 30, 2006

Top Ten Movies that NEED a Game Adaptation

Firstly, I'd like to apologize for the lack of updates to my blog... Work has been really busy, so I haven't gotten much of a chance to write anything. Sorry! Hopefully, this post is so great, it'll make up for it.
10) Taxi Driver - One of my all time favorite films, this story about loneliness and isolation is begging to be converted into a really bad GTA clone. Oh wait – they tried, but unfortunately, it got canceled. Darn!!!

9) From Justin to Kelly – Now, I haven't seen this film (I've been meaning to, but for some reason, I just never made the time), but I can only imagine what a wonderful game this would be. I mean, the movie has Justin, Kelly (if you didn't know, they were on American Idol), singing, beaches, umm... Justin... Kelly... Romance... Between Justin... and Kelly... What more could you ask for in a video game? Since this game would have Justin and Kelly in it, I'd say nothing!

8) For Your Height Only – For those of you who are unfamiliar with this film, it's a James Bond parody starring a creepy looking 2' 9" tall Filipino midget named Weng Weng. I'm pretty sure they made up the dialog as they went along dubbing over its original Tagalog because the dialog doesn't make any sense. Despite that, this movie just begs for a video game. It has everything: guns, assassins, remote control hats, jet packs, and a midget.

7) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 4: The New Generation – This movie has very few chainsaws in it and ZERO chainsaw massacres. Instead it had Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger giving the best performance of their respective lives. Their combined star power would totally make this game awesome. Leatherface instead of massacring people with chainsaws like the title would lead you to believe, spends his time dressing up in drag. This presents some awesome gameplay opportunities that would appeal to women gamers. You could choose dresses for Leatherface, and accessorize, so he would look as cute as possible.

6) Cool as Ice – Games are about fantasy fulfillment. A Cool as Ice game would fulfill everyone's fantasy of being Vanilla Ice. Who wouldn't want to be Vanilla Ice as he rides into a small town on his motorcycle and turns their worlds upside down with his bad boy with a heart of gold caricature?

5) The Wizard – I want to make a cross country journey without my parents to enter a video game competition, and this license would allow me to vicariously live that fantasy. In the game, you'd get to control a character who is playing Rad Racer with the Power Glove, so you'd get to relive all the frustrations of the Power Glove virtually. Plus, this would give Nintendo yet ANOTHER format to re-release Super Mario Bros. 3. Did I mention the game would have the awesome star power of Fred Savage? THE Fred Savage! It can't get any better than that! (Except with the following games)

4) Super Mario Bros. The Movie: The Game – Not since Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game would a game be this awesome. Super Mario Bros. The Movie really showed gamers what Super Mario Bros. was missing: a realistic pseudo-sci-fi story and fully developed characters. That and Dennis Hopper. King Koopa totally should be replaced with Dennis Hopper in all subsequent Mario games. (Or Mr. Belvedere) If Street Fighter: The Movie: The Game taught us anything, it's that games turned into movies turned back into games are much better than the original.

3) Zardoz – Apparently a comic book artist got the Zardoz license, so it'd be great if the games could be released along side of it. Zardoz is one of the few movies that makes less sense as the film goes along, and that's saying a lot because the movie starts out with some guy with a drawn on mustache and a blue towel over his head saying gibberish, and immediately follows it with a giant stone head that proudly proclaims "guns are good but the penis is evil" and spews forth a plentiful supply of rifles from its stone mouth. You think I'm making this up? See the movie! Regardless of how nonsensical the film may or may not be, for 99% of the film, Sean Connery walks around wearing a red speedo and bandoleers. That has great game written all over it.

2) The Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai: Across the Eighth Dimension – Who wouldn't want to play as everyone's favorite neurosurgeon/rocket scientist/race car driver/rock star/adventurer/comic book hero/leader of a creepy kid cult called the Blue Blaze Irregulars? This game would have the surgery excitement from “Trauma Center”, the rocket race car driving from “F-Zero”, the rocking out from “Guitar Hero”, the action/adventure from a “Spiderman” video game, and a “Pikmin” style minigame where you command your legions of children. The only game that would be better immediately follows the picture.

1) Snakes on a Plane – I can't believe this isn't already a game. Think about it: Snakes. That are on a plane. Samuel L. Jackson. Killing snakes on a plane. What's not to love? I can't imagine a better video game. The only thing that would be difficult about designing this game is Sam Jackson is invincible, so there's no way a stupid snake could hurt him. He's Sam Mother %&#$ing Jackson!!! Maybe if you let too many passengers die, you'd lose. Regardless, this would be the best movie game ever. (Also, vote for me as the biggest Snakes on a Plane fan. You won't regret it!)