Saturday, September 10, 2005

“World of Warcraft”? Screw that! I’m talking “World of The BIG G”!

The problem with MMORPGs are they aren’t immersive enough. They don’t have a consistent version of a realistic world. That’s where I’ll one up them with my genius MMORPG idea. It’s called “World of The BIG G”. It features 10 playable races: humans, orcs, elves, trolls, halflings, dragons, rocks, chickens, robots and dinosaurs. You can also breed the two races, so you could be a half chicken, half rock. That’s what I’ll play as. It’ll be in a rich fantasy environment, and you can choose awesome character classes like: wizard, warlock, morlock, witch, refrigerator repairman, warrior, knight, thief, one of those crazy guys that spray paint themselves silver and stand really still in big cities for tips, clown, killer klown, robot, and taxi driver. Everyone will have to be perfectly in character at all times. We’ll outsource to the moon (see earlier entry here) to have a board of GMs that will censor every piece of dialog typed in real time in order to make sure it’s in character. For example, if you are a wizard, you have to speak everything in poetry. “I’ll cast my exploding lung spell on that dragon” becomes:
“Ye dragons of olde, hear my curse,
Soon you will be taken away in a hearse.
Dragons see, and dragons scream,
Not after they taste my exploding lung cream.”
If you are a one of those crazy guys that spray paint themselves silver and stand really still in big cities for tips, anything you type is automatically censored because those guys don’t talk at all. If you are a taxi driver, every other word you type is replaced with profanity, and it’s misspelled to simulate a thick accent. It’ll be the perfect MMORPG experience!!!!


Anonymous The bigger G said...

In other words, it's the exact same as before, but now you have the option of standing around doing jack shit and not being able to talk, or sitting in a car and cursing at people.

No, the type of MMORPG you're thinking, where you have the option of doing anything, already exists.

It's called Ragnarok online, and when you go to shop keepers to buy things, you're actually talking to a real person who sits around selling stuff to raise money for his own character. You can be hired to assassinate people, or be a knight hired to defend that person. It's all real time, and there are no NPCs. If you're being hired for a quest, it's because that person has a genuine need for your services and not because he was scripted to as a planned part of the game.

If you want to be a certain class, you gotta find your way to the nearest school and learn how to swing a sword, cast spells, or assassinate people. It's totally immersive, and unlike your version, there is no "bored shitless" roles to play.

11:21 AM  

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