Friday, September 09, 2005

The Gontroller

Everyone makes a big fuss about the supposed innovation of the Nintendo Revolution’s controller. Nintendo’s not innovative. They just take old technology and re-brand it. The BIG G offers you here the REAL innovative next-gen controller. The BIG G calls it “THE GONTROLLER”. It’s very simple really. Below is the image from The BIG G’s patent application:

The bottom pad goes on the ground. The player stands on the swivel base. It’s a ball joint, so the player has to lean his/her entire body to tilt the pad. The ball joint registers the orientation of the player both leaning of the pad and twist. The ball joint doubles as a pressure sensor, so it can tell when the player jumps off of it. This is the only truly revolutionary controller design. Think about it. You want the character to walk forward? Just lean forward. You want the character to jump? Just jump. You want the character to circle strafe while firing in the upper left quadrant of your screen? Well, too bad!


Anonymous Anonymous said...

You really are a retard. I am no more stupid for reading that article.

9:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


9:16 PM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

I'm very concerned that I've made you more stupid. You seem pretty stupid to begin with, so I'm worried that now that you are even MORE stupid, you might not be able to handle a lot of the basic tasks that are required to live! Please don't forget to breathe!

7:59 PM  
Anonymous mistrbily said...

I can't wait for you to make this controller it will be so awesome... when your cheap product breaks and you get sued when someone falls off it and breaks their neck. Oh and how do you fire or swing a sword. Trust me, i've already done this with a dance dance revolution mat and it is really not that fun. Once again, you're a tard.

2:17 PM  
Anonymous The bigger G said...

It looks like a rebranded DDR pad to me...

Of course, DDR pads are WAY different, but if a lightgun is suddenly the same as a Revo wand, you my friend are ripping off a Japanese arcade dancing game.

11:05 PM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

The Bigger G -
You clearly can't comprehend my awesome tilt sensor. You have to balance on it! Do you have to balance for DDR games?


That's more innovative than the Revolution controller!

-The BIG G

12:28 AM  
Anonymous Parry Aldon said...

Duh, and with a lightgun you navigate in a strictly 2D plane, while a Rev wand goes 3D.

I'm not missing any points here, it's you that forgot your own.

If a Rev wand and its 3D tracking is suddenly inferior to a lightgun and its 2D tracking, your little contraption is more pathetic than a homemade DDR pad.

5:33 PM  
Blogger The BIG G said...

You clearly don't understand the emergent meta-gaming opportunities that the Gontroller creates!

-The BIG G

7:11 PM  
Anonymous Parry Aldon said...

Ditto, but that never stops you, does it?

10:15 PM  

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