Sunday, September 04, 2005

Outsource to the Moon

There’s a big buzz in the industry for outsourcing these days. It won’t last. Companies will soon learn that the quality of the work in the other countries isn’t up to snuff, communication bandwidth becomes a major problem, and it’s difficult to manage. Well, they aren’t going far enough. If you really want to outsource, rather than looking across the world, look up - AT THE MOON! Think about it. The moon is the perfect place to outsource. The cost of living is NOTHING! There’s no taxes or pesky governments to enforce labor laws. If you think people in other countries will work for cheap, just imagine what you can pay people on the moon. THEY’LL WORK FOR AIR, for Pete’s sake! There’s plenty of air here on the earth, but the entire moon workforce will be suffocating, since there’s not much of an atmosphere there. So, supply the moon employees with air, and they’ll do the best work imaginable because if you don’t give them air, they’ll suffocate to death.


Anonymous Jubal_Harshaw said...

Excerpt from "The Complete Retard's Guide to Workforce Management" by G. Khan:

"Your workforce is your army, and like any army they must be trained and conditioned to follow your orders without hesitation.

Your workforce may be unwilling to do those things that would be significantly detrimental to themselves, and this is an obstacle that I will show you how to overcome.
You are building an empire, and no empire was founded without the blood, sweat and death of the unimportant.

The first key to overcoming the trepidation of your army is to ensure that you control every aspect of their environment.

The second key is to ensure that they are unable to live safely outside those areas of your control.

The third key is to inspire fear and respect by regularly eviscerating poorly-performing workers, then feasting on their raw, uncooked flesh for all to see."

You're in good company, Big G.

6:37 AM  

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